Who I Am

Note: this was written back in May 2021, and was the first time I shared anything about my nonhumanity on the internet.


A couple of months ago, I got so frustrated by the constant inundation of "what it means to be human" messaging that was implicitly allo/abled/cis/etc that I thought to myself, well, if you insist on making humanity an exclusive little club for only people with the right experiences, I'm going to leave.

And it was a huge relief. I didn't have to hold myself to standards that didn't fit me any more. I didn't have to try to fit myself into a mould any more. I didn't have to pretend to be something I'm not any more. I was free to just be me. This one decision, made impulsively, in anger at all of the oppressive structures built into society... it made me so happy. In fact, it turned out that I actually quite disliked this whole "being human" business.

Could it be that I've been nonhuman all along?

So, some introspection happened, and it turns out that yes, that does seem to be the case. I feel so free identifying as nonhuman that I can't imagine possibly being anything else.

The question is, then, if I'm not human, what am I? An animal? Some kind of mythical creature? Something else? I'll be honest, imagining myself as any of those things is just as discordant as imagining myself as human. I really, just,,, don't want to be anything. Not human, but not anything else either. This feels a lot like being genderless to me, actually. None of the options feel like me, so I'm going to opt out.

I wonder what I'll discover about myself next?